Baa

Seeing her in the hospital, a wasted, frail figure on a bed twice the size of her, reminded me of 2005 and my goodbye to K.Baa. I don't want to talk about this. It's not as painful as it is a reminder of the mortality of the ones we love. On Sunday, my entire family got together. It was ironic that we couldn't all find time to get together for a family reunion but made it to the hospital for Baa. Watching my uncle and aunts break down for their mother made me feel weak and like a child. But it was us, the children, comforting the adults and reminding them to not feel guilty and to stay optimistic.

I could smell sickness yesterday. In the minds and bodies of people that came in and out of the hospital. I wanted to escape for a moment into a vast, green, happy place in my head, away from the morbidity of it all. But Baa is better now. And that's all that counts.

I found myself wishing for one more chance with her. I've taken her for granted and last night when her eyes met mine for a fleeting second, when she was trying to recognize me and place me, I broke down. I felt glad that my mother wasn't here to see her own mother in such a state. That's all I want to say about this.

I got to spend the entire night with S though. She's only four months old and such a happy baby! She stayed up at the hospital with us the entire night. I held her in my arms and sang to her to get her to sleep. It felt, oddly satisfying. She is still bald and what little hair she has, stands up like a mohawk. She has big ears and bright, blackberry eyes. What with her mohawk and big ears, she's got a pixie-look going on! She woke up at 3am again and insisted on playing and being entertained. But I got so exhausted and annoyed with her energy, that I tricked her and put a bottle of milk in her mouth and put her back to sleep again. And then in the morning V arrived. He's nine months old and already so big. Less of a talker, but quick to act and writhe in my arms to get out and crawl on the disgusting floor. His skin smelled so good. Baa is 78 years old. And these kids, not even a year. Four generations in one building. My mind was blown. Plus, I was reminded how I'm not ready yet for babies. The smiling is fun, but the potty and vomit is just such a disaster.

On a lighter note, the more I learn about SG, the more I like the company. I almost blew this interview off because I hadn't heard much about the company. Had my second interview this morning and I was surprised that I nailed it. But I need a few more dates with this company before I leave mine for it. I was telling R how proud I was of myself this time around in planning my career. I've taken a very calculated and disciplined approach. I'm assertive and honest in my interviews. I'm asking difficult questions and answering even more difficult ones with finesse and ease. I have three additional interviews with different agencies in the coming weeks and I want to give each a fair chance of impressing me. Plus, the more agencies I met and more leaders I interview with, the clearer idea I get of what I want next.

I'm fast approaching the end of my tenure here - and it makes me so sad. I notice little things at companies where I interview. No music ;( No cool neighborhoods :( And the idea of leaving my friends and colleagues behind makes me sad. I've been mentally preparing for this and will negotiate until January to be here. I take a while to get close to folks and sometimes, the idea of starting anew makes me anxious. But, one step at a time.

On a last note - the weekend was the best I've had in ages. (Apart from my little incident with taking "baby" and "shower" literally and spritzing Pepsi on a little girl in a fit of laughter. Lets not go there. I'm mortified as it is.) We stayed at T's in Philly and J came over too. Rabid and her bf visited us and we had an insane night of board-games, specifically Settlers of Catan. I'm addicted and found myself dreaming of Brick, Wood, Sheep, Grain & Ore!
I hadn't seen T in seven months! I think R got bored with our girl-talk so perhaps I'll have to make a solo visit to Philly next time to catch up with T & R again. I miss this. I wish T & Rabid were in NYC. I miss having close friends so close by :( 

J also got me addicted to Angry Birds on iPhone. So much so that I got home last night at 1am and was playing the game on my phone until 3!

There was no water in the building yesterday. Any second thoughts R and I had of moving to NYC disappeared when buy plastic jugs of water and warm it on the stove to take a meager shower. I'm moving to NYC. Mostly so I never have to deal with water shortage again. What a joke. You'd think after several water-main breaks, the Jersey City municipality would have it figured out. It also annoys me that my building doesn't maintain a water storage. Esp. since this is the fifth time the water main has broken in the last two years that I've been here! R let me have the last jug of water to bathe with so I could make it to my interview looking clean and fresh. :D

I can't wait for him to get into his top school and begin his next phase in life.