Shitstorm

This month's just been one massive shitstorm. And the beauty is that none of it is mine but directly affects me because of the relationships I have. I've got a lump in my throat and I wish I was in control of this situation. I hate it when people think they know it all, but in this case, for this certain person, I do know it all. I know what is best for her and what her decisions should be about life, living and work. But how can I help someone that does not want to be helped?
I almost don't want to know anything about her plans or actions or what's on her mind coz it ends up giving me high BP. I hate this feeling.
Nothing is in control.

:(

Haven't been here in a while. I feel sad. I feel that we keep trying to make a house of cards and one fine wind brings it all down. I feel tired today, of keeping a brave face and being his rock. I just want to lie down for a bit and rest. I don't want to think about anything, anyone, not even myself. I just want blankness to envelop me.

Last night, after the news, he ordered eight Astrix comics. I think they make him feel safe. I want to feel safe too.
This song will be on repeat today. 


We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden
That's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden
That's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes
They're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things
Will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?