I don't handle stress well AT all. My parents and R have repeatedly said that to me. I'm not particularly enjoying admitting to it right now. Last night when I got back home after work, my parents had already started and finished about 20% of the packing. My beautiful beautiful home looked so empty and drab. The paintings, photographs, books, wall-art - everything was gone and neatly stacked in boxes. It depressed me. Mom and Dad are also leaving on Friday and its making me sad because we barely spent any time together this visit. Between taking care of Baa and feeding the entire extended family over Thanksgiving, we didn't spend alone time together.
I've questioned myself hazaar times. R too, has had a few moments of reconsideration about the apartment hunt and whether it's worth moving. In nine years that I've been in the country, it's the first time I'm feeling depressed and sad at the idea of moving again to a new place.
But, I keep thinking about this ridiculously awesome House-warming that I will throw and how happy we will be once we are done with the move and have found the perfect apartment. Visualizing this makes it somewhat easier.
Just wish mom and Dad were staying a little bit longer.
30.11.10
22.11.10
The great hunt
My life right now in bullet points:
1. Apartment hunting sucks. Never a right time for it. I know it'll work out though, just wish I didn't have to deal with the added tension.
2. Grandma is getting better by the day which is awesome but my patience is running short with her antics and her demanding behavior. Over the weekend, I chatted with her a little about her childhood and her life and granted, it hasn't been very easy but it annoys me that she couldn't find a single silver lining or positive story about the life she's had. Her Dad passed away when she was nine or ten and her husband passed away at 25, so I do feel bad for her. I suppose back then, women weren't empowered to feel independent and the lack of a strong male presence in her life has made her attention-hungry. Her back was itchy last night and I rubbed some sandalwood powder on it. The thin, papery skin on her back made my skin crawl. It made me feel very uncomfortable because it was such a stark reminder of how my parents will one day be just as old. It also made me a little sad because I know inspite of my constant bickering of her, I will miss her a little when Baa is gone.
3. I fall a little more in love with R everyday. He's full of surprises. I need him to have one huge win. Just one huge win so he can get his faith back in himself and his uncharted path. Risking everything for something you believe in is not easy. It's ambiguous and often depressing and I've seen more colors to R in the last eight months than I have in the last seven years. Also, because of Baa, we've been hanging out a lot more with the larger family (my doctor cousin) and her kids. R is amazing with kids and in a moment of weakness he said to me how nice it would be to have our own someday. It's beautiful to watch us grow from awkward college kids to confident twenty-somethings with first jobs and first paychecks to awkward late twenty-somethings rewriting our lives. Ok. I'm breaking my rules. shh no more taking about R here.
4. Yoga is going fabulously and I'm so thankful that my body still responds beautiful to all the hard work I've been putting it through. I've been training with a personal yoga teacher for the last three weeks and the effect it has had on my mind, my posture and my abs (yay!) has been instantaneous. S, my friend and yoga teacher, is also a holistic health counselor and her profound knowledge on wellness, eating and respecting and taking care of our body amazes me. She's my age and such a glowing face. Thinking of her makes me happy.
5. D actually read my story. What's so cool about our friendship is that I don't truly care much for trance or electronic music and he doesn't care much for my fiction, but we are still such such amazing friends. Knock on wood.
6. It's sad how powerpoint has become my best friend. Sad that I've become so lazy and conditioned to thinking in bullet points. See.. you don't need a business degree for that! You work long enough and you begin to think in bullet points.
7. Music, has without a doubt found its way back into my life. And I thank KEXP for that, a local radio station from Seattle.
1. Apartment hunting sucks. Never a right time for it. I know it'll work out though, just wish I didn't have to deal with the added tension.
2. Grandma is getting better by the day which is awesome but my patience is running short with her antics and her demanding behavior. Over the weekend, I chatted with her a little about her childhood and her life and granted, it hasn't been very easy but it annoys me that she couldn't find a single silver lining or positive story about the life she's had. Her Dad passed away when she was nine or ten and her husband passed away at 25, so I do feel bad for her. I suppose back then, women weren't empowered to feel independent and the lack of a strong male presence in her life has made her attention-hungry. Her back was itchy last night and I rubbed some sandalwood powder on it. The thin, papery skin on her back made my skin crawl. It made me feel very uncomfortable because it was such a stark reminder of how my parents will one day be just as old. It also made me a little sad because I know inspite of my constant bickering of her, I will miss her a little when Baa is gone.
3. I fall a little more in love with R everyday. He's full of surprises. I need him to have one huge win. Just one huge win so he can get his faith back in himself and his uncharted path. Risking everything for something you believe in is not easy. It's ambiguous and often depressing and I've seen more colors to R in the last eight months than I have in the last seven years. Also, because of Baa, we've been hanging out a lot more with the larger family (my doctor cousin) and her kids. R is amazing with kids and in a moment of weakness he said to me how nice it would be to have our own someday. It's beautiful to watch us grow from awkward college kids to confident twenty-somethings with first jobs and first paychecks to awkward late twenty-somethings rewriting our lives. Ok. I'm breaking my rules. shh no more taking about R here.
4. Yoga is going fabulously and I'm so thankful that my body still responds beautiful to all the hard work I've been putting it through. I've been training with a personal yoga teacher for the last three weeks and the effect it has had on my mind, my posture and my abs (yay!) has been instantaneous. S, my friend and yoga teacher, is also a holistic health counselor and her profound knowledge on wellness, eating and respecting and taking care of our body amazes me. She's my age and such a glowing face. Thinking of her makes me happy.
5. D actually read my story. What's so cool about our friendship is that I don't truly care much for trance or electronic music and he doesn't care much for my fiction, but we are still such such amazing friends. Knock on wood.
6. It's sad how powerpoint has become my best friend. Sad that I've become so lazy and conditioned to thinking in bullet points. See.. you don't need a business degree for that! You work long enough and you begin to think in bullet points.
7. Music, has without a doubt found its way back into my life. And I thank KEXP for that, a local radio station from Seattle.
Silver Lining
So, a little unbelievable... but I got into the Stanford Creative Writing Program. I was so sure of dismissal - tells you what a low self-esteem I have.
The news arrived the night of my sister's birthday. I'm still slightly dazed. I'm one of the 17 people picked for the program. It feels tremendous.
:D
The news arrived the night of my sister's birthday. I'm still slightly dazed. I'm one of the 17 people picked for the program. It feels tremendous.
:D
17.11.10
Ae Dil.. Tu Laya Hai
Last weekend was stratospheric. Mom and Dad are here and the entire clan (17 of us!) got together over the weekend. It was epic. Amidst stinky diapers, several rounds of Catan, home made lasgane, tea and bhajjia at 3am and four tireless kids, I had the best weekend I could dream of.
Baa is at my place now and I am reminded again why I never warmed up to her. I almost feel guilty saying this out loud. She's not a very pleasant person to be around. Constantly bitching and complaining, never fully appreciating anything anyone does for her and turning daughter's against her daughter-in-laws. Parenting in the fifties and sixties must have been very different. My only point of reference is Mad Men but my hunch is that Baa was just as cold and selfish with her kids.
She was married at 15 and by the time she was 25, she had six kids. Her husband passed away shortly after and she was alone with six mouths to feed, little financial support from the rest of her family. Her son's had no choice but to step up. One of them quit his school and took over Grandfather's shop. The other one found a way to go to America and worked nights and studied in the day to send money back to his family in India. Baa suffered too but I also think she got in a way used to having everyone dote on her and take care of her, which if you ask me, is beyond annoying. She's too dramatic and I believe she gets a secret, morbid pleasure out of making everyone else around her feel miserable. Boy. Am I going to feel shitty about admitting to these thoughts or what.
Plitch.
Baa is at my place now and I am reminded again why I never warmed up to her. I almost feel guilty saying this out loud. She's not a very pleasant person to be around. Constantly bitching and complaining, never fully appreciating anything anyone does for her and turning daughter's against her daughter-in-laws. Parenting in the fifties and sixties must have been very different. My only point of reference is Mad Men but my hunch is that Baa was just as cold and selfish with her kids.
She was married at 15 and by the time she was 25, she had six kids. Her husband passed away shortly after and she was alone with six mouths to feed, little financial support from the rest of her family. Her son's had no choice but to step up. One of them quit his school and took over Grandfather's shop. The other one found a way to go to America and worked nights and studied in the day to send money back to his family in India. Baa suffered too but I also think she got in a way used to having everyone dote on her and take care of her, which if you ask me, is beyond annoying. She's too dramatic and I believe she gets a secret, morbid pleasure out of making everyone else around her feel miserable. Boy. Am I going to feel shitty about admitting to these thoughts or what.
Plitch.
8.11.10
Storm before the calm
Happy Diwali! Life has been very agreeable. I had the most splendid Diwali dinner with family. Baa is back to her usual, dramatic antics which tells us that she's normal. She's constantly whining and complaining and at times, bitching about either one of her daughters or one of her daughter-in-laws. All is well. :)
My Diwali weekend though, was brilliant. It was the StartingBloc Summit weekend and being surrounded by a group of super talented, super brilliant men and women, changing the world was just what I needed to march on further on my road. It was also heartwarming to see R in action. Ever since he quit his job earlier this year, he's been happier. He works harder than he ever did and everyone that works with him, absolutely loves him. A teared up while thanking R and my heart glowed with such pride for him. I am thankful for this community - it reminds me of my priorities in life. Two women I met left me awe-inspired. One of them runs a non-profit that organizes street-youth in Lagos, Nigeria (and now Mumbai) and enables them to start their own businesses. The other women I met runs an orphanage in Kenya and I haven't met anyone else that can speak so passionately and with so much emotion about the work they do. Majority of the SB Fellows are broke, but come from privilege. It's inspiring to note that they may not have money for much else, but are doggedly focused on their mission in making a better life for those around them.
R is at his best in this community. As much as money is important to him, I admire it that he just quit his job to follow a difficult path. He doesn't simply talk about doing, he just does it. His dots are connecting and I'm very proud that he is my husband.
Another friend of mine finished her yoga certification. This morning, I took a private yoga class with her and I've felt so refreshed and alive all day long. Good thing too since I'm booked every single week-night this week starting with a talk at Asian Women in Business. Mom and Dad arrive on Thursday and life will go back to being even more colorful and joyful.
Did I mention? J from work had dinner with Woody Allen last week. It got me googling him and I read a quote by Mr. Allen that goes something like this, "80% of life is just showing up." So I told R that I was going to say yes to going out and attending events more often than not.
So far, so good.
My Diwali weekend though, was brilliant. It was the StartingBloc Summit weekend and being surrounded by a group of super talented, super brilliant men and women, changing the world was just what I needed to march on further on my road. It was also heartwarming to see R in action. Ever since he quit his job earlier this year, he's been happier. He works harder than he ever did and everyone that works with him, absolutely loves him. A teared up while thanking R and my heart glowed with such pride for him. I am thankful for this community - it reminds me of my priorities in life. Two women I met left me awe-inspired. One of them runs a non-profit that organizes street-youth in Lagos, Nigeria (and now Mumbai) and enables them to start their own businesses. The other women I met runs an orphanage in Kenya and I haven't met anyone else that can speak so passionately and with so much emotion about the work they do. Majority of the SB Fellows are broke, but come from privilege. It's inspiring to note that they may not have money for much else, but are doggedly focused on their mission in making a better life for those around them.
R is at his best in this community. As much as money is important to him, I admire it that he just quit his job to follow a difficult path. He doesn't simply talk about doing, he just does it. His dots are connecting and I'm very proud that he is my husband.
Another friend of mine finished her yoga certification. This morning, I took a private yoga class with her and I've felt so refreshed and alive all day long. Good thing too since I'm booked every single week-night this week starting with a talk at Asian Women in Business. Mom and Dad arrive on Thursday and life will go back to being even more colorful and joyful.
Did I mention? J from work had dinner with Woody Allen last week. It got me googling him and I read a quote by Mr. Allen that goes something like this, "80% of life is just showing up." So I told R that I was going to say yes to going out and attending events more often than not.
So far, so good.
4.11.10
Grooming Woes
Getting waxed is awkward. My brand of preference is the lady that does her job, gives an occasional smile, maybe a compliment but mostly stays silent and chats only when it pertains to a pesky little hair that refuses to be waxed. The "regular" woman I go to is all of the above and more. She is blessed with the such delicate hands that when she's threading my brows, I don't feel a thing. The problem is when I forget that my "regular" woman works at the salon only on Thurs, Fris and Sats.(I'm not that bad - I do know her name and her story. She is M. )
Twice in a row, I've forgotten this and ended up with another woman. I'm sure she is lovely. But I'd like for her to mind her own business. Maybe its the intimacy of knowing that she's probably the only other person after my husband that gets to touch my thigh fat, but at exactly what point we became "friends" in her books, I do not know. Perhaps she feels that because she can command me to "turn over," and apply baby oil on my raw body post-waxing, she feels that she now has the license and liberties to express concern for me and oh, also advise me about my marriage.
Here's the kicker. She's not even a sagely 40 something auntie who I'd respect and entertain just because she's old and knows what she is talking about. This nutcase is two years younger than me!
Yesterday at the table, she asks, "You're married na?" (Ya baba, she is desi)
"Yes. Why?"
"You should wear your ring in the proper finger. Everything is okay na with your marriage?"
"Um Yaa"
Who died and made you my marriage-worrier? What a curse. I like going to Desi salons because they get 'threading'. And it makes sense to get the rest of me groomed there. But this was ridiculous. If you are wondering, I did tip her properly. But that's the last she's seeing of fat my thighs.
When did my life choices become something I had to now justify to the woman who strips my body hair? I wear my engagement ring in my middle finger. Not a metaphor or twisted symbolism for anything but I prefer it there.
In better news, I made a request for a song on radio and they played it today. Made my day!
Twice in a row, I've forgotten this and ended up with another woman. I'm sure she is lovely. But I'd like for her to mind her own business. Maybe its the intimacy of knowing that she's probably the only other person after my husband that gets to touch my thigh fat, but at exactly what point we became "friends" in her books, I do not know. Perhaps she feels that because she can command me to "turn over," and apply baby oil on my raw body post-waxing, she feels that she now has the license and liberties to express concern for me and oh, also advise me about my marriage.
Here's the kicker. She's not even a sagely 40 something auntie who I'd respect and entertain just because she's old and knows what she is talking about. This nutcase is two years younger than me!
Yesterday at the table, she asks, "You're married na?" (Ya baba, she is desi)
"Yes. Why?"
"You should wear your ring in the proper finger. Everything is okay na with your marriage?"
"Um Yaa"
Who died and made you my marriage-worrier? What a curse. I like going to Desi salons because they get 'threading'. And it makes sense to get the rest of me groomed there. But this was ridiculous. If you are wondering, I did tip her properly. But that's the last she's seeing of fat my thighs.
When did my life choices become something I had to now justify to the woman who strips my body hair? I wear my engagement ring in my middle finger. Not a metaphor or twisted symbolism for anything but I prefer it there.
In better news, I made a request for a song on radio and they played it today. Made my day!
3.11.10
Putting out fires
I learned a very good lesson at work today about building relationships. The big client that we signed on (that I mentioned I'm working with) requires us to have strong relationships in the design/ innovation sector and as a company, we have a limited reach in that sector. This had been on my mind for a few days and because I wasn't able to get time with my boss to talk about this, this issue made me nervous and led to a small fuck-up on a client call today. My boss let me make it - in hindsight, I'm thankful that he lets me make my own mistakes and learn from them. Any other boss would have jumped into the situation and turned it around. Instead, he let me flap around like a fish out of water for a bit so I knew exactly what it was that I went rogue and off-script on. After the call, he expressed his concern and spent twenty minutes or so hearing my frustrations and challenges with this project. He worked with me one by one and gave me a proper direction to enable me to solve these problems. (Is it bad to sometimes liken your boss to a teacher or a father-figure?) He gives me credit too, in that, I CRAVE for feedback. I'm obsessed with the desire to make myself better and I act on most feedback I receive. So we work extremely well together. We've got good rhythm.
It's sad that I'm more of a pessimist than I thought I was. My first reaction to a new challenge or a new hurdle is intimidation and a minor freak-out. I begin to think of all the ways I can fuck it up. (new friendships as well) My boss, (as much as he frustrates me sometimes!) has worked me so patiently to help me become a more confident person. Confidence - that's all there is to anything. I've come to realize that confidence and persuasion are the only two skills I need to be successful in my business. Everything else is bollocks.
Anyways, coming back to the relationship piece. My boss told me how to skillfully open those doors. My client is my gold card and he said, there is not a single person that won't pick up the phone when I call them about this client. It's so easy to maintain a fine line between professional and personal relationships -- they are all relationships after all. And my boss is right, this is an investment that will pay dividends for the rest of my life. (and my career) He's so good at initiating and maintaining relationships. I felt inspired after our meeting and ordered elegant cream Thank you notes on a thick and sophisticated card stock from Crane. I wrote out ten thank you notes to the folks that have recently played a role in my professional projects.
I read this quote earlier this week and it's defining my current professional stage.
"The society that separates its scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting by fools." - Thucydides
This job has taught me how to both a scholar and a warrior. Strategy and execution. Thinking and do-ing. I get heart palpitations some nights when I think of the impending career move and wonder if I will have a boss like M where my learning will continue. I'm sad on other accounts as well, some superficial. I work on the coolest street in Manhattan. It's a tiny cobble-stoned (YES! One of the only few cobblestoned streets remaining in NYC) in Soho. Ricky Martin, Naomi Watts, Leiv Schriber, Tyra Banks - these are my neighbors on this street. And I don't even raise a brow at the other celebrities that hang out on my street or the hood' cafe. The other day when I met my friend, Nicole Ritchie was sitting at the table next to me. My colleague and friend S. randomly bumps into the likes of Anne Hathway and Beyonce when stepping out for lunch. Patricia Field's boutique (Designer for Sex and the City) is a block from my office ;(
I've gotten used to a certain glamor that this neighborhood affords.
Ian Schrager (of the Studio 54 fame) built a huge green-metal building that is simultaneously a thing of beauty and a monstrosity right next to ours. A friend had commented how this building reminded him of a cage for dinosaurs. And every morning when I walk to work, there is a trio of Asian photographs from some cool Japanese magazine (whose name I cannot pronounce) taking photographs of the building or orchestrating a photo-shoot with a enviously skinny model in front of the building. Heck, they even transported a snow-white stallion one bright Tuesday morning for a shoot.
My office building houses a bunch of creative agencies and a modeling agency. It's commonplace for me now to stand next to a six feet glamazon while waiting for the elevators, feeling significantly fat, out of place, yet smug in the knowledge that my work life is so incredibly interesting and fun. A crazy and half-senile artist lives on the top-most floor of my building. We know he's been in the elevator when it's stinking of cigar smoke. The other creative agency that's in my building has a bunch of Swedish and English expats working there. Because we have just one elevator in the building, lunch-time is a a cacophony of various accents going up and down the elevator, stopping briefly on the third floor to drop or pick up a colleague.
The point is - my building, my street, my neighborhood is full of characters. And I'm already missing this. Plus, my boss is somewhat of a celebrity in the art worlds and our office is always buzzing with European and local American street artists and indie film-makers stopping by to meet with M and his wife. The serene, blue-loft like space of my office has become my second home. My colleagues have become such close friends and the music... sigh. Having Sirius Satellite Radio on 14 hours a day has improved and reinvigorated my interest in music. So much to give up.
I don't give it enough credit but a few years down the road when I'm writing a professional book, there will be chapter dedicated to my early influences. Being exposed to art, photography, high-brow culture and even a bit of glamor, has molded my thinking and elevated my own sense of self. I've worked on this street, in this hood for over three years. It'll be like breaking up when I leave. Even my local take-out food guy knows me and that I like the Vegan Mediterrnean Sandwich, extra spicy :(
But I can sense a different kind of change seeping into my life. A change, for which I feel ready. I have to take a leap of faith and trust that my learning will continue (and if I can be hopeful) accelerate in a new place with new people around me. Also, since this change has not been driven by any other reason than the desire for career advancement (Unlike my past jobs - where the reasons have been everything from the desire to be in NYC, to work for a CEO, to have a cooler-sounding title!) it makes me feel secure in my knowledge that I'm being analytical and logical about my next move. It is going to be a few months before that happens, but in my gut, I know its coming.
This post has become a litany on my work life. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't work. I was chatting with my doctor cousin the other day. They are moving into the burbs next year. Doing the whole American dream you know - 5 bedroom mansion, two cars, a pool and private school for the girls. The works. I'm happy for them but I shuddered. I won't survive in suburbia. I feed off the energy in the city. It used to scare me that as I grow older, I'll want the suburbia. But when I was walking to work earlier this week, I felt comforted. R and I have never harbored such dreams. Never wanted the suburbia and at our ages now, what we want from life is pretty clear. Granted, once we start thinking of family, it might force us to re-think our decisions. But, I grew up in an incredibly tiny house. And went to strictly ok schools. I turned out ok. Maybe the kids will too?
Who knows.
This post is too long now. Headache.
It's sad that I'm more of a pessimist than I thought I was. My first reaction to a new challenge or a new hurdle is intimidation and a minor freak-out. I begin to think of all the ways I can fuck it up. (new friendships as well) My boss, (as much as he frustrates me sometimes!) has worked me so patiently to help me become a more confident person. Confidence - that's all there is to anything. I've come to realize that confidence and persuasion are the only two skills I need to be successful in my business. Everything else is bollocks.
Anyways, coming back to the relationship piece. My boss told me how to skillfully open those doors. My client is my gold card and he said, there is not a single person that won't pick up the phone when I call them about this client. It's so easy to maintain a fine line between professional and personal relationships -- they are all relationships after all. And my boss is right, this is an investment that will pay dividends for the rest of my life. (and my career) He's so good at initiating and maintaining relationships. I felt inspired after our meeting and ordered elegant cream Thank you notes on a thick and sophisticated card stock from Crane. I wrote out ten thank you notes to the folks that have recently played a role in my professional projects.
I read this quote earlier this week and it's defining my current professional stage.
"The society that separates its scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting by fools." - Thucydides
This job has taught me how to both a scholar and a warrior. Strategy and execution. Thinking and do-ing. I get heart palpitations some nights when I think of the impending career move and wonder if I will have a boss like M where my learning will continue. I'm sad on other accounts as well, some superficial. I work on the coolest street in Manhattan. It's a tiny cobble-stoned (YES! One of the only few cobblestoned streets remaining in NYC) in Soho. Ricky Martin, Naomi Watts, Leiv Schriber, Tyra Banks - these are my neighbors on this street. And I don't even raise a brow at the other celebrities that hang out on my street or the hood' cafe. The other day when I met my friend, Nicole Ritchie was sitting at the table next to me. My colleague and friend S. randomly bumps into the likes of Anne Hathway and Beyonce when stepping out for lunch. Patricia Field's boutique (Designer for Sex and the City) is a block from my office ;(
I've gotten used to a certain glamor that this neighborhood affords.
Ian Schrager (of the Studio 54 fame) built a huge green-metal building that is simultaneously a thing of beauty and a monstrosity right next to ours. A friend had commented how this building reminded him of a cage for dinosaurs. And every morning when I walk to work, there is a trio of Asian photographs from some cool Japanese magazine (whose name I cannot pronounce) taking photographs of the building or orchestrating a photo-shoot with a enviously skinny model in front of the building. Heck, they even transported a snow-white stallion one bright Tuesday morning for a shoot.
My office building houses a bunch of creative agencies and a modeling agency. It's commonplace for me now to stand next to a six feet glamazon while waiting for the elevators, feeling significantly fat, out of place, yet smug in the knowledge that my work life is so incredibly interesting and fun. A crazy and half-senile artist lives on the top-most floor of my building. We know he's been in the elevator when it's stinking of cigar smoke. The other creative agency that's in my building has a bunch of Swedish and English expats working there. Because we have just one elevator in the building, lunch-time is a a cacophony of various accents going up and down the elevator, stopping briefly on the third floor to drop or pick up a colleague.
The point is - my building, my street, my neighborhood is full of characters. And I'm already missing this. Plus, my boss is somewhat of a celebrity in the art worlds and our office is always buzzing with European and local American street artists and indie film-makers stopping by to meet with M and his wife. The serene, blue-loft like space of my office has become my second home. My colleagues have become such close friends and the music... sigh. Having Sirius Satellite Radio on 14 hours a day has improved and reinvigorated my interest in music. So much to give up.
I don't give it enough credit but a few years down the road when I'm writing a professional book, there will be chapter dedicated to my early influences. Being exposed to art, photography, high-brow culture and even a bit of glamor, has molded my thinking and elevated my own sense of self. I've worked on this street, in this hood for over three years. It'll be like breaking up when I leave. Even my local take-out food guy knows me and that I like the Vegan Mediterrnean Sandwich, extra spicy :(
But I can sense a different kind of change seeping into my life. A change, for which I feel ready. I have to take a leap of faith and trust that my learning will continue (and if I can be hopeful) accelerate in a new place with new people around me. Also, since this change has not been driven by any other reason than the desire for career advancement (Unlike my past jobs - where the reasons have been everything from the desire to be in NYC, to work for a CEO, to have a cooler-sounding title!) it makes me feel secure in my knowledge that I'm being analytical and logical about my next move. It is going to be a few months before that happens, but in my gut, I know its coming.
This post has become a litany on my work life. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't work. I was chatting with my doctor cousin the other day. They are moving into the burbs next year. Doing the whole American dream you know - 5 bedroom mansion, two cars, a pool and private school for the girls. The works. I'm happy for them but I shuddered. I won't survive in suburbia. I feed off the energy in the city. It used to scare me that as I grow older, I'll want the suburbia. But when I was walking to work earlier this week, I felt comforted. R and I have never harbored such dreams. Never wanted the suburbia and at our ages now, what we want from life is pretty clear. Granted, once we start thinking of family, it might force us to re-think our decisions. But, I grew up in an incredibly tiny house. And went to strictly ok schools. I turned out ok. Maybe the kids will too?
Who knows.
This post is too long now. Headache.
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