Discipline

This weekend reminded me several times why I should have taken more religion classes in college. Paryushan are on and I'm grappling that sense of guilt, misunderstanding, confusion and non-conformism. What exactly is religion ? Is being spiritual enough? I've come to an understanding that as human beings, we crave frameworks, we need structure to operate effectively and to lead happy, fulfilling lives. We are unable to operate without logic, sense & reassurance.

Even though I grew up in such a religious household, I'm amazed how it didn't inspire me or interest me. As children do, I blindly followed the rituals, the rules and the festivals without understanding them. Even then, I distinctly remember my inability to deal with rules and authority and I've broken them every chance I've had. Some I remember, like peeing at our holy temple and deliberately going to pray into a temple while I was menstruating. These weren't driven by a desire to insult my parent's faith. I was six or seven when I peed at the temple and I only did so because I couldn't find the bathroom or the nearest one was a mile or so away.

At twenty-seven, I'm beginning to question my limited understanding of religion and how it must work in my life. I'm past the need for rebellion and being a non-conformist for the sake of it, but I refuse to subscribe to a path of life without understanding it.

I did some reading about Jainism this weekend. That's not enough for me. The word, "religion" is too weighted for me. Jainism, as I'm learning, is more a way of life and living than a subscribed dogma. Ofcourse, over the few thousand years or so, it has come to adopt its own rules, but in essence, Jainism comes down to four basic tenets: 1) Non-violence 2) Truth 3) Not taking what does not belong to one (no stealing) 4) Not becoming attached to material possessions.

As my friend put it, Yoda is Jain. And if Yoda practices this way of living, how can it be too stifling ? Jokes apart, why do most religions prescribe to a period of self-punishment and penance once a year? Is it to allow us to test perseverance and discipline ourselves ? Do our souls feel better after depriving ourselves of certain foods and activities for a limited period of time each year? I'm very interested in the answers but I wonder if after I discover the answers, will I want to embrace religion or walk away from it?